Pencil Starfish
starfish can turn inside out, critique?
your eyes; your heart
both always the colour of clouds.
which now are grey, orange and (smothering) surrounding me
and
I’m
so
scared-
of insulting your beauty with terribly formed metaphors.
i found instructions on how to write poetry.
“begin with your title”
You were always my title.
I began with you and words flowed afterwards,
Pencil smudged and sewn to my eyelids.
I always
let you drift away
with my dreams.
Falling in love is the worst thing that can happen to a poet,
It eats away my words.
I have clear memories of each of our conversations
and even while you’re talking about serial killers at 5am
You’re edging into my fingertips urging me to spill onto paper.
these words are never supposed to be about you
but they are never any less than that.
it’s all one poem, and thank you.
I like a lot of it.
I would like to see a little more development on the title “Starfish can turn inside out.” I don’t know what that means. Can you link it to the last few lines? Or else add one more explanation somewhere else in the text of the poem? Maybe there is a way to show how the starfish “drift” away in the water where “I always let you drift away in my dreams” is placed.
I think I would add one more topic of conversation in addition to “serial killers at 5 a.m.” that would help balance that section out. Maybe pick a topic that is completely ordinary to show contrast, but which is still the kind of thing someone in love pays 100% attention to, like “even when you talk about the way yogurt cups no longer have plastic lids.”
I am not sure about the line “Pencil smudged and sewn to my eyelids.” For some reason I think of permanent makeup and have no idea what that has to do with the poem.
I sure like your end couplet.
I didn’t check out your profile, but do you live in the United Kingdom? I was wondering why “grey” is spelled the way it is, instead of “gray.”
New Snowflake Eel & baby Lionfish
|
|
Seaside Starfish Magnetic Pencil Pad $3.95 Gone are the days of tacky notepads or simple lined paper pads. Introducing the stylish and mod designs from Wellspring Gift. This “Coastal Collection Seaside Starfish” design in brown sand and blue is attractive, fun and functional. Mounted with a powerful magnet-back, it can secure to your fridge or a metal object and allows you to jot your grocery list, honey-do list or reminder notes. Comes wi… |
|
|
2.25 inch (58mm) Round Badge Style Fridge Magnet Line Drawing Starfish $3.49 Brand New item ready for immediate despatch… |
|
|
2.75 inch x 2 inch Acrylic Fridge Magnet Line Drawing Starfish $2.99 Brand New item ready for immediate despatch… |
|
|
6 inch x 4 inch Greeting Card Line Drawing Starfish $3.99 Brand New item ready for immediate despatch… |
|
|
Pack of 12 Parchment Gift Tags Line Drawing Starfish $3.99 Brand New item ready for immediate despatch… |
|
|
Under The Sea 12 Piece Puzzle Multi $9.74 Mudpuppy Under the Sea 12 Piece Puzzles are designed with extra-thick pieces for children two and older.Ingela Arrhenius has illustrated an underwater look at a porpoise, sea turtle, sea star, seahorse, fish, and kelp, all brightly colored…. |
|
|
Squinkies Under The Sea Surprise $9.99 Kitties, puppies, babies, ponies, and friends: which Squinkies will you get?100′s of Squinkies to collectSquinkies – the hottest toy aroundBooklet included with numbered figures for easy collectabilityCollet them allThe world of Squinkies fits in the palm of your hand. These soft and squishy figures are so cute you’ll want to collect them all. The Squinkies come in their very own little bubble c… |
|
|
Colored Pencil Solution Book … |
|
|
2.25 inch (58mm) Round Pin Badge Line Drawing Starfish $2.49 Brand New item ready for immediate despatch… |
|
|
2.25 inch (58mm) Round Badge Style Keyring Line Drawing Starfish $3.99 Brand New item ready for immediate despatch… |
You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.
Comments are closed.