Bright Orange

What Not to Wear on that Important First Date

So you’ve finally been brave enough to ask that girl or guy out on a date and you really want to make a great impression, what do you wear?

This was a dilemma that I recently faced as my wardrobe consists of a variety of jeans in various states of abuse, a collection of Rip Curl t-shirts and some almost worn out Vans Shoes trainers. I own only a couple of crumpled old shirts, last worn at a funeral and a court appearance, a really old, threadbare suit that smells funny and a pair of army marching boots. So I was in a dilemma. Should I go clothes shopping, which I hate, or could I borrow something suitable from a friend?

I called in on a good friend who suggested that I borrow some of his designer clothes, which I thought would be a great idea. The problem was size, I am a small and he is enormous. All of his excellent, expensive designer clothes were simply far too big. I looked like a kid playing dress-up in his dads clothes, so that was a no no. I decided to go and see another good friend who is closer to my diminutive size.

My good friend Kenny is about my size and he has an enormous collection of clothes. The problem is that Kenny is a flamboyant gay with a taste for garish, fluorescent colors and overly tight, stretchy clothes. He suggested that I wear a pair of his skin tight, bright green stretch trousers along with a bright orange t-shirt emblazoned with the slogan ‘Hello Big Boy’. I didn’t think that this would make the right impression with my date so I asked if he had anything else.

That was when Kenny said he had just the thing. A white, all in one jump suit adorned with rhinestones and sequins. I asked Kenny if he was serious and he told me that this was the suit in which he’d met his current partner and it had made quite an impression. When I tried it on I looked like a really hopeless Elvis impersonator without a quiff or guitar.

Then Kenny showed me another selection of clothes that he described as boring impulse buys that he had never actually worn. When I took a look inside the wardrobe I could see that these were far more suitable than the skintight fluorescent stuff that he had suggested. He had a collection of Nike ACG jackets that he had never worn because they were, in his words, too boring. There was a big pile of great looking jeans by Levis and Diesel along with tons of great looking shirts.

So my good buddy Kenny really helped me out with a nice outfit that really impressed my date and resulted in her coming home with me, but that is another story. Since then I’ve been out and bought myself some new clothes and treated my friend Kenny to another painfully bright, tasteless t-shirt, just the way he likes them.

“Bright Orange Air” by Inlets

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